You're A Good Man, YuGiOh!
by letskillyugi
Summary: The third installment in the Quadrilogy.


It was several hours before Katie and Bakura came out of the glade and stumbled upon David's body. Bakura wiggled the sock over David's body, but nothing happened. "Hmm." said Bakura, "this appears to have been a charged item." "No!" shouted Katie, "You're doing wrong! You do this." She waved the sock over David's body and said, "Come the #$%^ back to life." David moaned and opened his eyes. "What a vile sock," said Bakura. David blinked several times so his eyes uncrossed, as Bakura had done after being resurrected by the sock, and then said, "YOU! I WANT YOU THE $%^# OUT OF MY SIGHT!" "Me?" asked Bakura, "Why." "YOU KNOW THE $%^& 'Why'!" shouted David. But then, suddenly, he stopped talking, due to the fact that blood began pouring all his throat and chest from the suddenly torn flesh on his esophagus. "Hardly a need for that," said Bakura, as Katie put the knife back into the Millennium Rod, after wiping it on her shirt. Then they walked off and out of the park to find Kari J. and Logan and then resurrect Daly and Tristan. They left David there dead. They found Kari J. at Godfather's having a large specialty pie for breakfast. The three left and found Logan back at the Ritz in a deluxe suite making GORP casserole. Our four heroes then ran over to the Ritz parking lot and dug up Daly and Tristan's bodies and resurrected them. "Dude, it's so cool, like, actually dying dude!" said Tristan, "I mean, totally!" "Where's David?" asked Logan, "And where did you get the sock and the rod?" Katie and Bakura glanced at each other. "Ah-ha," said Katie, "Heh-heh! David?" "Yes," said Logan suspiciously, "David." "Actually," said Katie, "I haven't the slightest idea where he is!" Which, the author might add, is darn well true! Who knows where people like David end up in the afterlife? "NO! DAVID MUST BE DEAD! HE HAD THE PISTOL AND TRIED TO KILL YOU, REMEMBER?" screeched Kari J. "Faintly," said Katie weakly. "He did?" asked Bakura. "Never mind," snapped Katie, "he's dead now!" "HE IS?" shouted Logan. "Yeah," said Katie, "didn't you hear Kari J.?" "Hmm." said Logan, "And why do you have the sock and rod?" "Yeah?" asked Kari J., "David didn't have those!" "Oh, well," said Katie. "And if you only had to fight David, why were you gone all night?" "Camped out," muttered Katie. "Uh-huh." said Logan, "And how does Bakura fit into all of this?" Smiles were creeping over his and Daly's faces. "THE %^&* HOW HE DOES!" yelled Katie, waving around the rod like a mace. Daly stepped away and fell backwards into his former grave. "Oh my John Bob!" he screamed. Logan pulled him out quickly. "C'mon Bakura, Kari J.," said Katie, walking off. Bakura and Kari J. obediently followed. Katie seemed to be in foul mood, flipping the bird to basically everyone she saw as they walked down Main Street. They found that Tristan was following them as well. The three walked to Hen's House, where Katie flipped Bill Clinton the bird as well before the four went in. They bought four bags of Lays and several cans of coffee. "Ahem," said Bakura as they walked out. Katie whirled around and gave him a Clint Eastwood look. "Ahem," said Bakura nervously, "why did we just buy fifty dollars worth of chips and coffee?" Katie, as one would expect, burst into obscenities. And let us simply say that she yelled for some time and this tirade was the vilest yet. Here's a sample. Check you have the earmuffs on tight. "#$%^! Why the %#^& do $%^&*@# care, you ^&*%$#@ $%^&**# son of a $%^&! I'm %^&*$#@ tired of %^&*$#@ every one %^$&#@$ act like %^&*$#@ $%^&@! #$%^#@!" However Katie eventually calmed down and -GASP- APOLOGIZED! Oh my God! Call the paper! Get the paparazzi here, I say! Lord! Lord, a once in a lifetime experience! So anyway, she explained, semi-calmly, that she had gotten the coffee and chips because she -GASP- she ate coffee and drank chips! Well, that's what she said! Anyway, then they all went to the Ritz and got a pair of rooms, each with two beds, where Katie ate her coffee and drank her chips. That night, Katie and Bakura were peacefully asleep when a dark and vile shape leapt through their window. Katie was peacefully dreaming about Bakura when she woke up to the sound of the dark and vile shape sneaking over to where she kept the rod. She leapt up out of bed, inadvertently waking up Bakura too, and leapt at the dark and vile shape. The dark and vile shape grabbed the rod and was headed toward the window when Bakura sleepily flipped on the light. This revealed that the shadowy, vile figure was actually -GASP- Daly! Katie leapt at him and shouted, "GIVE THAT %^&* STICK THE $#%^ BACK!" Daly sidestepped and Katie flew out of the window and two floors down, landing in the chrysanthemums below. Daly rushed to the door, but was obstructed by Bakura, who tackled him. Daly wrestled Bakura away and winded him with his foot, before running out the door and leaping down the stairs. Bakura turned away and looked out the window. Katie was lying stricken in the chrysanthemums. Bakura changed from his pajamas to his normal clothes and ran down the two flights of stairs and out the lobby door. As he strode over to Katie, he noticed a suspicious looking person across the street talking to another suspicious looking person. The first one started to cross the street while the other one disappeared into an alleyway. Bakura then turned towards Katie. He helped her struggle up as she murmured and laughed, "Remember what did at Shiloh, boy? Remember what I did at Shiloh? Heheheh!" Like that. "Okay." said Bakura, dragging her through the lobby. As soon as he got in the room he shut the door. He turned around and saw that the room was as messy as bloody hell! He heard the lock on the door click and whipped around. Mai was standing there with a Mini Uzi out in one hand and the sock in the other. He immediately put his body fully in front of Katie's just in case Mai fired and then he said, "Could I have that sock please?" Note that all this is complemented by Katie's mad laughing. Mai just pulled the trigger. CLICK. "%^&*," Muttered Mai, throwing the old magazine away and loading a new one. "Now," she said, "you'll die! Hahahah!" CLICK. "$%^&*#@ thing!" she muttered, and changed the magazine. "Now it's the end for you!" she shouted. This time it worked. Bakura was horribly mangled! Blood and flesh were everywhere! Then Mai ran out. Bakura fell backwards onto Katie gushing blood everywhere. And there he sat moaning for about an hour with Katie ranting and giggling like a maniac right around his right ear somewhere, as his head was slumped on her left shoulder with his face facing out away from her. Then finally Tristan came in. "DUDE!" he yelled, "HE'S LIKE TOTALLY BLOODY!" Kari J. walked over eating a piece of Papa Murphy's Chicago Style Stuffed Pizza. "Wow," she said, "strange things sure do happen often to those two." "Whatever, square," Tristan said, pulling Bakura off of Katie. He dragged Bakura downstairs and into the lobby, where he asked the lady at the front desk if she had a band-aid. "The heck no," she answered, pulling up a Mini Uzi and leveling it with Tristan's head. "Hey, look dudes, it's Mai!" he shouted. CLICK. CLICK CLICK CLICK. "$%^&," muttered Mai, throwing away the Uzi and putting up her fists. She popped Tristan in the face and knocked a whole bunch of his teeth out, besides sending him flying into the window. "All right, everyone, hands up!" Max said, rushing in with a pistol and a cocky expression on his smirking face. "You're a police man?" asked Mai. "Yeah, I'm replacing some guy named Yami Bakura or something," Max said. "Oh," said Mai. "All right, so anyway, put up your hands so I can handcuff you," Max said. Mai sat motionless. Max advanced with his pistol out. "Come quietly and no one will get hurt," Max said. Mai sighed and put her hands up in the air. Max handcuffed her and dragged her out by the hair. Tristan then went over to the desk to look for band-aids. Instead he found a signed Apolo Anton Ohno sock. "Dude, totally gnarly," he said, stuffing it in his pocket. He couldn't find any band-aids, so, as a last resort, decided to call that 911 number. He dialed it and a team of paramedics rushed over and took Bakura off to Truman Medical Center. Then Tristan walked upstairs to see if Katie was all right. He found her pounding the ground and giggling so hard tears were streaming out of eyes. "Dude," he said, "What's the matter with Katie?" "I don't know," said Kari J., coming in eating a piece of Pizza Hut's Big New Yorker. Tristan lay down on the bed and went to sleep to the sound of Katie's crazy rants as Kari J. walked out. Then Logan walked in holding up something. "I was down at the hospital," he said, "Bakura's in critical condition. He probably won't live through the night. The surgeons said he said to give this to Katie and use it to find 'the sock', whatever that meant. Katie?" he suddenly glanced at her, "What happened to her?" he asked. "I don't know dude," said Tristan. Logan looked over the ransacked room. "What's been going on here?" he asked, looking between Kari J. and Tristan. Both shrugged. "Hmm." said Logan, "This is getting stranger and stranger." Suddenly someone with an Arab accent said in broken English, "Hee hee hee! Ralph has never seen idiots like you so confused! AND NEITHER HAS I! HAHAHAH!" Yami Marik stumbled in the door laughing at his own pathetic joke. "This guy's far-out, gnarly man!" shouted Tristan. Yami Marik said, "I am, huh? Hee hee! That's what Osama say! Hee hee!" Logan said, "Okay." "So! Hey! Why don't you kids give me sock and I.uh.don't kill you with airplane. Okay?" asked Yami Marik. "WHAT IS THIS SOCK EVERYONE IS TALKING ABOUT?" Logan yelled. "Oh?" said Yami Marik, "Sock? It is the Millennium Sock! It has power to resurrect people!" "Oh," said Logan, "I've seen a sock like that! Katie and Bakura had it!" "Uh-huh!" said Kari J.. "Where is it now?" Yami Marik asked eagerly. "Uh." said Logan, "Well. we don't have the slightest idea. You could ask Katie. but something is sort of wrong with her." "Oh," said Yami Marik, looking at Katie. Yami Marik suddenly looked at the clock. "Pray time!" he shouted, pulling a prayer mat out of his jacket. "Which way Mecca?" he asked Logan. "Mecca?" asked Logan. "Yah! We face Mecca while we pray! Which way you face?" "Up," said Logan, "or down, or maybe left or right or forward or backward." "Oh," said Yami Marik. "But which way Mecca? Me gotta pray!" he said, bouncing with anticipation. "I.don't know." answered Logan. "Darn," said Yami Marik, "Me pray to Allah facing up then." Yami Marik sat down on his prayer mat and prayed for about fifteen minutes before getting up again and rolling the prayer mat back into his jacket. "I done." "Great," said Logan. "Now we four go find sock!" Yami Marik shouted. "Wait, dude," said Tristan, "I've got a sock in my pocket!" He pulled up the Apolo Anton sock. "That it! That it!" shouted Yami Marik, "But what this scribble?" he asked, pointing at the Apolo signature. "I don't know," said Logan dryly, "It just looks like wiggly lines to me." "Oh, well," said Yami Marik, "Can't have everything." Yami Marik was walking out when he spotted the thing in Logan's hand. "MINE!" he shouted, jumping at it. "That's like, for Katie, dude," said Tristan. "Me no care! Katie crazy! She just gibbering! She no need Millennium Ring!" "What the heck?" asked Logan, yanking the ring away from Yami Marik's mad grasp. "It be important! It help find other millennium things, help find civilization if lost, shape shift people, all kind of things!" said Yami Marik. "And Bakura said Katie got it, so she could find. THE SOCK! IT CAN RESURRECT PEOPLE! GET YAMI MARIK!" Logan shouted. He, Tristan, and Kari J. all ran at him and tore at him with their grimy fingernails! Vile ooze squirted out everywhere! Then Yami Marik jumped out the window. They heard screaming. Logan, Tristan, and Kari J. all ran over to the window and looked out. Yami Marik was lying in the chrysanthemums moaning. "Oh.dearie me," he was muttering. The trio ran down and went out to see Yami Marik. "Oh!" Yami Marik said, scrambling up and sprinting away. The three chased after him, knocking over everyone who got in their way, including a very short and evil-looking fellow with a little rod. They chased Yami Marik all around town until they lost him when Tristan's foot got run over by a car. They all forlornly headed back to the Ritz to prepare. Before they went to sleep Logan gingerly placed the Millennium Ring on Katie's lap once he remembered he'd had it in his pocket. The next morning Kari J. and Tristan had breakfast in the lobby while Logan went out. Logan came back about an hour later. "I was at the hospital," he said, "Bakura.he died. They asked if he had any relatives that they should inform. I told them I didn't know of any. I said, 'Well, I'll inform anyone who should know,' and left." "$%^#, dude," said Tristan quietly. Kari J. said, "Well, I'll go order a couple of pizzas if that's fine with everyone." Logan just looked at her and walked off. "Poor Katie," said Tristan, nursing his mangled foot. "Uh-huh," said Kari J., picking up the phone on the front desk. Katie was moaning feverishly when Logan came in. Logan was just about to go take a leak when suddenly -GASP- Yami Marik jumped through the window. "Eeeek!" he screeched upon seeing Logan. He quickly pulled out scimitar and brandished it at Logan. "You let me get ring, okay?" he said, moving slowly towards Katie, keeping his scimitar faced out towards Logan. He was just reaching for the Millennium Ring on Katie's lap when -GASP- Grandpa leapt in as well. "Oh my Allah!" shouted Yami Marik, backing away as Grandpa reached out his hand to pull out Yami Marik's living guts! Grandpa said, "Spill their blood! Shoot them in the belly! Heheheh!" "Oh, no," moaned Yami Marik, who was now backed against the door. Grandpa was only inches away when -GASP- suddenly Yami Marik brought up the sword straight through him. Blood dribbled from Grandpa's mouth as Yami Marik twisted the sword away violently. Blood spilt all over the carpet. Logan made a flying tackle at Yami Marik, but Yami Marik brought the sword down expertly and sliced Logan's whole forearm off. Logan stumbled back into the bathroom. "Yes." said Yami Marik, "I HAVE IT! I HAVE IT! I HAVE THE RING! HEE HEE! MY PRECIOUS! THE MILLENNIUM RING!" He grabbed it out of Katie's lap. "Hee hee." he giggled. Suddenly -GASP- Daly jumped through the window and clubbed Yami Marik upside the head with the rod. Yami Marik dropped like a sack of potatoes. "That was timely," said Logan. "Yep," said Daly, grabbing the ring away from the unconscious Yami Marik. Logan went to call the police to haul Yami Marik off and paramedics for Grandpa. Logan, just as the police came in, was grabbing the ring away, when he noticed a sock hanging near Yami Marik's scabbard. He grabbed it off. He pulled the ring away from Daly and put back next to Katie. Then he began to examine the sock. It appeared to be the one that Katie had earlier. "Max Daly," he asked, "Why do you have that rod? Wasn't that Katie's?" "Oh." said Daly, "Um. yeah, I suppose it was." "And why do you have it?" asked Logan, cocking and eyebrow Spock-ishly. "I don't know," said Daly shrugging unconvincingly. "WHY?" roared Logan. This forced Max Daly to tell all about what happened to Katie when he tried to steal the rod. Logan went ballistic and tossed Daly out the window like a feather. Max Daly however missed the chrysanthemums and hit the concrete instead. Logan went down and grabbed the rod, leaving Daly there to bleed his guts out. Logan walked into the lobby again where Kari J. was eating pizza. Then suddenly -GASP- that great boor Caleb jumped in and Max followed him, shouting, "COME BACK HERE YOU BOORISH BUFFOON!" Caleb knocked against a wall and Max caught him and handcuffed him. "Oh, please just let me go!" moaned Caleb, "I want act like a boor anymore, I swear!" "Bull," Max replied. He dragged out Caleb again. He was just about out the door when Katie stumbled downstairs and yelled, "%^&* yankees! Heheheh!" Max raised his gun nervously, getting a disgusted look on his face. "Has she been drinking again?" he asked Logan. "No, actually, she fell out a window." "Oh," Max replied, putting his gun away, and pulling out a bottle of Cure Yourself From Falling Out Of A Window Now! and advancing on Katie. WHAM! He tackled her and poured it down her throat. She immediately came to as Max backed away and began to haul off Caleb. She groaned and rubbed her eyes and scratched her nose and got up.  
  
And the cloud bursts, thunder in your ear  
You shout and no one seems to hear  
And if the band you're in starts playing a different tune  
I'll see you on the dark side of the moon.  
  
Roger Waters, 'Brain Damage' 


End file.
